8 posts tagged “define friendship”

tomorrow night every heartbeat on the stadium will beat as one knowing that once their name is called, it is finally over. the harsh 4 years you seniors had to go through to stand where you are today, knowing that through everything, you finally made it. tears will be shed and laughter will be heard; the memories of yesterday will appear and leave you breathless with nothing to say except "it's over, it's finally over." i'm going to miss all you seniors so fucking much. especially a few of you seniors like monkiee, buddy, and klam. you guys/other seniors made a HUGE impact on my life. not only did you guys become someone i can say "hi" to because you guys were older than me, but you guys also became my friends. maybe the definition of friendship is someone who has and will always be there for you. it isn't necessary to be so close where you hang out every single day and talk about EVERYTHING to but it's the second closest thing you've got next to family. we might not talk or hang out as much because we won't see each other daily but some where on a random day, either one of us will call each other up and say "hey, let's go catch up and chill" or some bs. no more picking on me or making fun of my head, we can go party together still though, haha. "friends come and go" but memories are forever. next year i will know exactly how you all feel, standing together as the class of 2009 knowing that I ACTUALLY PASSED HIGH SCHOOL!! lol jk, of course i am! i'm really REALLY sad you guys have to depart from us, but come on now, we all knew it had to come one day or the other. you all are getting old lol. mMmm when you guys go to college, remember it's not high school anymore,  so welcome to your future. i'll miss you all<3

fck i got sad as i wrote this, i really am going to miss all you seniors though.
i wish you guys the best of luck in the future! don't forget me and i won't forget you! haha

tonight was a pretty interesting night. I didn't go to Lucy's thing or whatever but i'm pretty sure she had a happy birthday! (: so jen&bao came to my house afterschool to do some shit. then lalala and jen had to go to church and bao had to do his shit so yeah. then later on my sisters boyf brought the wii home and bao came over to help me set it up cause according to him "i seemed unhappy so he came to keep me company." then later on i went down to michaels house to pick up super mario brawl and when i was walking i saw bao going into his car and i was like dude thats fcked up, make me walk to michaels house to pick up brawl and you leave. then when i was walking back i saw my house was pitch black and my door was open and i was like fuck shit something is gna happen, why did he bring my sister along? then i walk in my room and back out into the living room and my sister pops out and i scream and bao comes out laughing. -______- i must say, touche. that was a great prank on me LOL! then later on he went to go pick up justin and his sister to come play wii and they left around 11. it was nice. like idk i thought it was more fun doing what i did instead of going drinking or whatever they're doing at lucy's. then we were just talking about friends and idk. it gave me a sense of comfort that like even though i don't talk to justin or bao a lot, that if i were bored or needed anything then they'd be there to be with me. i know for sure jen, winnie, and sheree would do the exact same for me but like someone i'm not even that close with will do that for me makes me feel better about the whole "friendship" they're a complete different crowd to hang out with too lol. they listen to alternatives in their car and idk. they're a lot more chill than i'd expect. hanging out with gary and them is fun but it is a load of drama. what is the meaning of freindship? gare and them didn't even call me or whatever to see if i was going or whatever. is that friendship? they could of chose not to go or stop by my house to say hello but did they? nope. no one called me, i had to call them. is that the meaning of friendship? am i just over analyzing everything? it's two different crowds let's just say. i swear, hanging out with guys is so complicated -_- i'm getting hungry. i don't know. i think it's time for a change in who i hang out with. i am not talking about the girls, i love how each of us are so different and how easy it is to hang out with each other; but i'm talking about guys. sighh i don't know. maybe i'm just over thinking. who knows. all i know is that i DO have friends who care and that is the best feeling of comfort i can have, for now. goodnight<3

Can't Stop

so i woke up this morning to my stomach side hurting again. it's 8:31am and i'm waiting for them to call me. i got my cell phone back last night. i was hoping it'd be like last year where he calls out of no where when i'm on the phone with monkiee and it was awkward but we talked. i don't know ayee, this is beating me up inside so much. and what charlie said to jennifer was right. although a few people and i might not be close anymore, at least i know if anything happened, they'll be there for me. i have a lot of friends i appreciate and like jennifer, i don't want to tell them how much i love and care for them when they're lying in the hospital bed. so i'd like to say, even though you and i aren't talking anymore Gary, in my heart i still consider us as best friends. if anything were to happen to you, again, i'd call and look for a ride in a heart beat just to visit you and see how you were doing. i'm sorry for all the stupid shit i've said/done. i appreciate everything you've done and said to me and all our "let's see who can stay up the latest" phone calls. we went through A LOT of arguments in our previous years but i don't want this one to mess things up between us. i miss you, and i want our friendship to work again. but i gotta take baby steps too, cause i am hardheaded. there are so many other people out there i'd like to tell it to but i'm just going to list the names in alphabetical order and it is early in the morning so if i forgot you then i am sorry. everyone on my myspace top! lmfaoo that is much EZ-er. my best friend/ rolldawg, PSCOUTS, david, wayne + their posse, buddychhen, tyson (there i said your name bitch! haha) man i have so many people i wanna name but it's so much. you've read my old entries before, i appreciate each and every one of you even if sometimes i am bitchy towards you, my lovee is still there! =) and since it's during break, if you guys ever need anything, just call up my cell phone cause i got it back! muahahahhaha. let's hope today will be the day!<3

Quickie:
Expose yourself to new ideas by talking to people who don't always agree with you.

Overview:
You don't often go along with the crowd, but then there are days like today. You've got to make sure that you're not just a lemming, though -- you might wake up tomorrow regretting something!

this is what my horoscope said for March 28, 2008. i'm a freak when it comes to horoscopes. Today, or shall i say yesterday but i'll refer to it as today cause i'm still awake. so it's finally spring break, whoo hoo. lalala and went to sangs bbq. it was pretty dope. Gare and i are talking again, kinda...not really. i don't know what to even say, literally. when david took me home and asked me questions and then he left to clean out his trunk or whatever, i was crying -_- i had mascara on too! haha, but it didn't smear =) so iono, i just cried. i felt like it. sometimes it's the only thing i can do when i can't seem to do anything else. my feelings are so splatterd. maybe Tyler is right, or maybe i just want to believe it. i don't know. i just don't know. i looked up at the night sky and saw no moon. that is when i knew for sure something was missing. i don't know anymore, i just don't fcken know. i want to lay in the hospital bed to see who cares. i want to be myself again. impossible. then yeah, it was pretty awkward for me there cause i didn't talk to anyone but jenn and she left 40 mins earlier than me and then David took me home and then switched and Gare took me home. i tried talking but it was pretty awkward, i blame myself for this now. i'm at the point where i think/feel everything is my fault. i am a horrible person and i deserve, well i don't deserve horrible things but you know what i mean. i feel empty. i am nostalgic. i feel as if i'm skipping in my trail of memory lane and every block i land on takes me back into different times. one of the blocks was when we were just at my house playing thumper for hours long until midnight or so. it was so fun and so simple. so many blocks i have to skip through and i finally hopped onto a new box after a month of memories. a new box that i hope will continue on until forever and through time. the box that i am in my [best] friend Gare's car and he dropps me off and ask if i can walk to my door and me saying something and my last words being "bye Gare." hoping to hop onto a new box slowly everyday spinning in circles waiting for my turn. when will it be my turn? everyone has a box/trail they are skipping through and yet i seem to still stand in place. we're both hard headed, roll the dice to see who will be the one to move me from this misery.

alright, so i miss it. i miss being able to call whom i thought would be my best friend till i got married where we would make fun of our kids and teach them bad stuff to. i was on the phone with wayne a few nights ago and it made me think back. all those times me, gary, wayne, david, and sometimes tommy would phone until we knock out. on weekends how we'd stay up till 6am talking about the lamest shit ever seeing who can stay up the latest; and of course i'd always win. i partially blame not having a cell phone for this lol. but either way, with or without it i'd be in the same pickle i am in now. i have never seen my life go crumbling down this way. i have no one to talk to or call or no one i want to because they don't CARE >:O fck i hate life. times like these i wish i got in a car accident and i'd see who would come to visit me. blah. i wish i knew what to do :(

friendship -_- jennifer is right, we have no friends. so my "best friend" gary and i haven't spoken to each other since LAST thursday so i tried to on friday night but he ignored me. oh well! another friendship down the drain. maybe people were right about you, maybe everything they said was true. the rumors, the shady-ness of you. i don't even know why i bother. i don't. fuck it. i don't care anymore. my life has crumpled down to this. i've lost so many friends and gained so few new ones. i've never thought it'd come to this. my mom hates the edible arrangements we got her for her bday. she was practically bitching at me cause it sucked. wtf is that right? no appreciation what so ever. it's a beautiful arrangement too =/ life's a bitch. so now i officially have no guy best friend. maybe people are right, girls and guys can't be best friends. all my guy best friends have gone down the drain. gosh i miss alex cheng. he was the only guy who could actually relate to me. i miss you so fucking much. it's been a long 5 years since we've spoken. i hate my life. just to make it clear, you're the one who doesn't want to be best friends anymore gary. you're the one, not me. i can't believe and don't understand why are you even fucking mad? grow up. ugh. fuck it. fuck you and you and everybody. this is killing me. i walked home from jens house and all i could do was cry. i feel my life going down. people don't know what the fck is going on in my life. you people don't know shit about me. i cry, that does not make me weak but a person who is able to let her feelings out. someone buy me a tub of red vines =( fuck the world. i'm going to bed now i guess. if only they knew what i knew...