i don’t understand why it all had to end

it starts tonight as it ends tonight. for a whole week we were fine up until last night when something was brought up. due to that we do not talk nightly anymore, which does leave me a bit butthurt. not at the fact because i have "feelings" for him but because i was used to it as a friend. even back then when we were hella tight with no emotional surroundings we talked nightly, but now he just disappeared. i don't know; i'm emotional. i do not even know why i'm like this. i feel like i just went through a date ending. the whole "omfg i wish he'd call me cause i have no guts to call him" what did i do wrong phase. the feeling you get when you are so used to something and when it stops you feel so lost. i keep flipping my phone hoping to see a missed call or a text. i get n-o-t-h-i-n-g. i have no one to run to, actually i don't want to run to anyone now. david doesn't wanna get involved, andrew has his own shit, wayne would feel sad?, tyson is fed up, michelle is too caught up with her boyf, sheree has kahana kai, winnie has her dreams (lol), and jen? well she has her own problems too. life is a pickle, green and sour. maybe i'm just emotional cause it's a tuesday...or maybe because i just want it to be back to the way it was. why the hell did he have to say "i don't feel like falling asleep on the phone anymore." if you don't wanna talk to me then tell me straight out, no need for excuses. we've been talking nightly for a year or two, sudden change of heart? so what if i have these so called on and off "feelings" for you, it's not like i do jack shit with them. i don't even care, i know we'll get no where and i know we'll always remain friends. it's like you have some force field against my words. just fuck it. fuck my feelings, fuck the phone calls, fuck the friend act, fuck you. i'm done with this bullshit. i don't deserve or need to go through it. talk to me when you feel like it, i'm done. "if you care less, you hurt less." i'm sick and tired of complaining about you and i'm sick of you always bringing up "i can't hang out with you cause it's awkward" shit every time we're on the phone. mock my feelings more. bitch please, i'm tired of this acting. i know at times you regret giving me a "second chance" at our friendship, the fuck is that? i didn't even do anything THAT bad. friendships have their ups and downs but you shouldn't let something like that sabotage it. think with your heart and not your ego for once.