greetings! this week is my finals week! i have finals tonight at 6, tmr aftrenoon and friday morning then i'll officially be on BREAK! :D yay me! it's freezing cold in my house. so so sad. well nothing really has been going on from what i can think of. Winnies birthday was yesterday, man that mango was so good and the games at the bowling alley was so fun LOL but yeah. i have never felt so BROKE in December ): i need to do secret santa with my fraternity and the girls, buy BV's bday present, do the paddle for my big bro, GAS MONEY</3, TAO and maybe Cabin expenses. i'm still training but she hasn't paid me yet lol. training is a MONTH long :( i start officially taking orders at tables and such tmr night! everyone should come visit me!! lol the sad thing is, i haven't mastered how to use the electronic menu yet, it's VERY hard and complicated. you have to be quick with it and that is what i'm not :/ so sad. i'm running low on texts too, i need unlimited or atleast 600 and i'll be good. maybe when i start working working for like a couple months, i'll get myself a new phone with a new plan! my plan ends December 2010 haha but i was like i'll be making maybe like a couple of hundreds. that honestly isn't going to be enough haha. with gas, food, and other expenses i have to pay :/ i get paid once a month on the 5th. not every 2 weeks like other people. that's whack isn't it?! sucks suck sucks. it's freezing cold oh my gosh. i'm getting sleepy again. so i already know i'm going to fail my history final cause i had a dream about it .epic fail, couldn't even cheat in my dreams lol my heart is hurting. so my aunt got 4 free tickets to Disneyland and she asked me to take her daughter to go since she doesn't have time. The tickets expire on the 17th so i'm going this saturday with my cousin, little sister, and my loverr Jeffrey! it's going to be like a family trip. unfortunately, it says it's going to rain so this is going to be an interesting trip. lol and Friday is ASLs end of the quarter party! oh my. and as usual, i have work at the nail shop every sunday. i get like $3-5 dollars working there lol cause i get tipped when i do some stuff. economy is bad. what else is there umm so ASL is cool, i like it still. happy that Jeffrey isn't a psycho freak about me joining it. and as for work, there are, well, everyday i dread going to training and dealing with my boss, but it honestly isn't that bad. i just make it hard on myself lol. fuck i have so much math hw to do tonight before my final tmr afternoon :/ thankfully, jeffrey re did my midterm for me LOL i have to do ch 12 & 13 review and 13.4 homework ): fml. i hope i pass my english test on Thursday, or else i'd have to take these stupid remedial courses again. waste of my time. sucks that i'm failing history, i mean honestly the only way i passed it in high school, or passed high school in general, was cause of cheating LOL jeebus. umm what else is there. Gary and i are still not talking. i mean it's not "awkward" but it's just we don't talk. we can be in the same room or whatever and he'd just be there and quiet. he has changed. everything has changed but there's nothing i can do about it. and now Jeffrey has become a big part in my life. he replaced Gary. sad as it is to say, but it's true. so if i were to lose Jeffrey then i wouldn't know WHERE to turn too! i do miss Gary though, but now i am accepting it. it's been a little over 2 months with this going on. atleast last year we began the new years together at TAO, and we're going to do the same thing this year, but it will be greatly different. but you live to learn and move on. i want to get a tattoo, i will eventually get one. maybe when i'm 19 or something since my body is still changing. i want to buy new jeans at pacsun! i'm going to wait until december hoping they'll have good sales or the pacloot thingy :D This winterbreak, i know and am hoping that it will be one of the best ones yet. can't wait for my family to come down in 2 weeks and be home and training still. but you gotta start somewhere right! my fingers are getting frozen as i type. i can't believe i'm done with my first quarter of school! i like going by quarter system, there's not a lot of stupid shit we have to do like they all say and everything goes by faster! cold weather is nice for a change, except i don't have enough warm clothes! i want slippers. wearing socks is kind of annoying around the house cause it gets dirty, slippers are more durable too. ok well i'm getting tired, i should clean up and prepare for my final that i'm going to fail :/ bye!
the weather is beginning to get colder. VERY cold. my feet and the tip of my nose are freezing. so i had an interview on wednesday and she said she'll call me by saturday to let me know if i have the job. They called me today (Sunday) and asked if i could come in for training on the 23rd :) so yay me! i really thought i didn't get it but hey, birthday wishes do come true. i realized i wish for the same thing every year, and in a way, it does come true. i mean, the outcome in the end i guess haha. when i'm at home in my room late at night listening to slow love songs, and with this weather, it makes me feel warm. times like these i am very happy to have jeffrey and thankful i have him. but there are other times when i am emotionally cheating on him with Gary. Gary no matter what will always be in the back of my head. i can't let him go. we were so perfect then everything just fell apart. i don't know. i'm getting sleepy typing. there are days when i want to call it quits with jeffrey cause i am so fed up with all the bullshit and drama but there are those other days where i want to smother him and wrestle until i get bruises and his pointy elbows jab my eye making me lose and then him laughing and telling me sorry. i'll kick his butt one day. haha but i don't know. things, based on the sound of it seem so good but why does my i guess heart(?) won't allow me to let go of Gary. is it because i still have hope in us? what is this blog even for? i'm so sleepy lol the ASL thing is going great so far. idk not much to say about it haha my eyeballs are itchy. i have to do my math, history, and english hw! i MUST finish majority of my math before tutoring tmr. well i'm getting sleepy so i should sleep. i haven't been getting sufficient sleep lately. oh and i've been helping my aunt at her nail shop on Sundays. it's cool, i get to do my nails and wax and everything lol i don't know what to label this blog. but since i'm listening to Ray J - One Wish then i'll use a lyric from there!
can you consider your boyfriend as a best friend? i see in movies and many people say "he is my best friend, my lover, and my soul mate" or whatever. i don't consider jeffrey as one though...how does that work? lol
but yeah, thanks winnie sheree jen for everything on my bday
we need to do another lunch just us 4 to catch up and stuff
sorry i was such in a rush and couldn't say a formal goodbye or thank you
but you know my short hair don't care loves you guys!
"that's what SHE said!!" (:
and i forgot to mention, that one time when jen and i were there to get garys id for charlie to borrow, i said hi and waved hi to gary TWICE but he didn't give any response. and i know he heard cause he looked at me both times and just looked away. this was like Halloween weekend. how depressing huh...this isn't like our usual arguments. i think this time he really does want to just forget about me. ignoring me and not talking won't do that though. i know i am still in his mind time to time. with the history we have, you're going to need to reformat your brain before you forget me..
i'm excited! i'm finally turning 18 and i can go do hookah, clubbing and drive people in my car legally! LOL but unfortunately, i have a mandatory dinner with my fraternity so i can't do anything tuesday night and on wed. night i have hotpot dinner with my family & ASL pie auction, but i'm not going to go to it lol so yeah, my 18th bday plans were kinda ruined but idk we'll see how it goes... but here are a few items i would LOVE for my bday, some of them are the same items from previous years haha
- * TAO ticket ($62) I don't care how many people chip in or how you get it, as long as I get it lol (=
- * clothes size XS or S with gift receipt or giftcards :)
- * low top black & white chucks size 3 1/2 kids, like the old ones i had!
- either one of these but please make sure it comes with 2 pillows an not just 1 haha
- http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/2x-Hello-Kitty-Car-Grass-Mat-Neck-Pillow-Cushion-2-New_W0QQcmdZViewItemQQhashZitem5ad2e9007cQQitemZ390085542012QQptZMotorsQ5fCarQ5fTruckQ5fPartsQ5fAccessories
- http://cgi.ebay.com/Pucca-Anime-Car-Seat-Neck-Rest-Cushion-Pillow-BA038_W0QQitemZ130328521358QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item1e582f6a8e
ALL PILLOWS ARE FREE SHIPPING AND UNDER $18! :)
- a mustard yellow beret hat thingy from FOREVER 21!!
- * i need chapstickk )= from bath&body or burtsbeeswax
- http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3059043/0~2377897~2377898~6020424~6008439?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6008439&P=6
^^ I LOVE EYESHADOWS, THIS WILL BE THE COOLEST MOST USEFUL GIFT EVER!!!!!!
^^ that one in SOCERESS color
the make up at nordstroms is cheaper and has more of a variety from what i compared online to Macys lol
I LIKE THE SILVER & BLACKISH (SPARKLY OR NOT) EYE SHADOW! I HAVE COOL LIKE 12 COLOR PALLETTE FROM KOREA THAT HAS IT, BASICALLY ANY COLOR PALLETTE THAT HAS A BLACKISH SILVERISH CHROME COLOR EYESHADOW WILL DO :)
"you may not be her first, her last, or her only. she loved before she may love again. but if she loves you now, what else matters? she's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together, but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. she may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. so don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when shes not there." -bob marley
i felt like blogging again, i'm sad. i don't know why. maybe my period just ended and i'm overriding on emotions. today i was very very upset at Jeffrey. i have never had a more slow and boring Friday, well not that i can remember atleast. i should be starting my math homework, but i'm so got darn lazy. i'm not losing feelings for Jeffrey, but our relationship (or maybe it's just Jeffrey) is really boring. i can only think of 2 or 3 sweet things Jeffrey has done for me without me having to ask. i see other relationships-- omfg sidetrack, i was typing and then i look to my left wall and there's a spider crawling down my wall and i was like "AHHHHH!" and i killed it then i vacuumed it and vacuumed my floor. now my heart hurts lol like i feel like there's a lot of fat surrounding it :/ but yeah, i see other relationships and the boyfriend does such sweet simple gestures for their gf. like pre-ordering new moon movie tickets cause his gf wanted to watch it or something, i don't know. i'm beginning to feel sad in my relationship again. i REALLY do hope that on our 1 year, Jeffrey does something extraordinary for us. i honestly do feel like i do a lot for him, maybe it's cause i'm a girl and it's just in my nature to be more caring and nurturing in the relationship. blah, i don't expect much cause my hopes are always shot down. maybe i'm not even sad, it's just like i feel it's been a year and i don't have anything to really say about this year. i don't effing know. i wonder where did that spider come from...lol we were just at his house all day today (superb boring), i should of brought Jenga or something instead i was on facebook playing cafe/restaurant city haha could it be i'm losing feelings? nehh lol but honestly the main reason why i wanted to join the lil sis program was to interact with more people and go out and have fun. not that i don't get that from my friends but it's always the same stuff and i want to try something new. i find out if i got a bid in exactly 12 hours or so! how exciting. i didn't know that ASL guys can choose to be bros for other sororitys, i kinda find that dumb cause they have their OWN lil sis program and they don't choose a girl from there but one from another sorority. or idk i don't really know how the system works but you people should get me. I think Gary really doesn't need me in his life anymore. just another chapter ending. he's living his college life by partying in riverside, going morongo, and hanging out with his other friends. life goes on? i'm getting tired, but still emo ): i should get started on math hw.
Gary and I haven't spoken since labor day weekend at Sangs bbq. I don't know what went wrong, but as we all know and can read, Gare and i have this problem every few months. where we don't speak to each other and then i cry about it and all that stuff. it's old news but it happens every few months. I must say it has to do with EDC, i shouldn't have been so selfish. It's funny cause i know the mistakes i make within my friendship with Gary but even though i know it and it's always the same reason why we fight or have our months where we don't talk, i never change. i can't fix it. i take advantage of Gary and i don't know why i can't change that. I consider him as my guy best friend whether or not we're talking cause he's always been someone i can go to and we get along so well. but then i got with Jeffrey. don't get me wrong, Jeffrey was a wonderful thing that happened to me and i love him and our relationship very much. On my bday last year, Gary wrote a letter to me and said that this is the happiest he's seen me and he's happy for me. i thought back on it and i was happy without Jeffrey too, i had Gary there. it's like maybe in Gary's eyes i replaced him with Jeffrey? Gary and i have always had a thing, we all know that. Gary is the only flame i keep running back too becuase he's always there for me. i need him in my life like my hand needs my thumbs. sometimes i think back and wonder if i didn't get with jeffrey last summer, would i have started a relationship with Gary? it's sad to say but sometimes i'm like "cheating" on Jeffrey with my emotions with Gary. things are just so complicated with our friendship. he is really ignoring me. i text, call, msg gary and i don't get a response or anything. it makes me really sad. my friendship with gary is totally different with any other male. i love gary to death, i would dive off a cliff and into the ocean to save his ass cause i know he doesn't know how to swim. i miss him alot. like sometimes i have nights where i wonder what he's doing or if he still wants to be friends with me and stuff. it's like a cycle that never ends. they say it's cause i fucked gary over and over again. first with justin, then josh, sam, now his very own best friend jeffrey. i never gave Gary a chance into my heart but emotionally he is already there. things are complicated. you can't choose between a boyfriend and a best friend when both of them are "best mans" toward one another. hopefully things will get better cause i really do not want to lose Gary.
so ASL is the lil sis program i'm trying out for, i went to like 2 or 3 events and everyone is really nice and friendly. the guys are so funny and chill. i figured it'd be a nice college experience and it'll allow me to make more friends and socialize more and just be busy. i mean i don't really do much with jeffrey lol we don't really go out, we just hang out. and it's my college life, i wanna experience it and i'm happy that Jeffrey is okay with it.
Jeffrey, on October 25 will be our one year anniversary. pretty fast huh lol i've had a great year with him. we got in a lot of dumbass fights and stuff but hey it was the 1st year, plenty more to come LOL jk i hope not. i am happy with him but i wish Gary would be there to like idk be there. the last actual argument i had with jeffrey was in august. he pissed me the F off but idk w/e we moved on. we have a very relaxing relationship in my opinion lol like he's a simple chill guy and i'm a complex girl. i don't know lol but i do love him and our relationship, i am just not in love with him though. maybe it'll eventually grow more and ehh we'll see where it takes me. hopefully he planned something extravagant for our 1 year anniversary. we're each others longest relationship, how cute is that! lol
well overall life is nice. just a lot of ups and downs but it's just like the weather. it was all cold and rainy (lovely weather) 2 days ago and now it's like high 80s and hot this weekend. wtf right haha well my hair is more dry now and i'm tired. i have so much hw this weekend ): well that's it for now i guess. goodbyeee!
there are a lot and at the same time not a lot of things happening in my life. my family is doing good lol can't wait when December comes cause my family from Canada is coming down! =) i have a job at walgreens now, i don't start working until October or something though :/ i turn 18 this year! i'm just going to spit out random facts about my life as of now instead of actually blogging or maybe i'll get back into it but i don't know, we'll see how this goes. i miss gary, our friendship hasn't been the same since EDC but it never really bothered me and then at Sangs bbq we were kinda like w/e but afterward we didn't really talk. i don't know, i miss how our friendship was. i don't know why Gary is like the friend who means a lot to me. maybe cause we had a thing before and i've always seen myself with Gary somewhere in the future. i don't know blahhhhhh. it's like i'm cheating on Jeffrey emotionally, hah... things with Jeffrey and i are good, very chill. i redecorated and reorganized my room. it looks less "high school" and more college like? nah but more space, nah cause my room is tiny LOL but yeah. i didn't really talk or hang out with anyone much this summer, maybe like only on rare occasions when they'd call me out or when i feel like it. this summer was pretty boring but nothing would of made a difference. everyone is like going their separate ways, i still talk to a few people. and i like that, they try to keep in contact with me and i try to keep in contact with them. i don't go on aim much anymore, i have no one to talk to or it starts getting stupid on my comp lol i took down all the post its on my closet door and the pictures next to it and the pics next to my comp. the white board is now hung there and i have a frame next to my closet door. i'm going to take down the poster and put another collage frame there and put a painting in front of my comp desk where the bday sign is. it's time to grow up and make new memories. blah i don't know, i miss gary like i miss an ex boyfriend ): wtf is wrong with me. i have all these pictures of me and gary on my wall and one on my desk. we looked like legit happy best friends, we used to talk daily now we don't even talk at all. i miss it. people change. i don't know what else to do but adjust to all of this. i kind of wish i was back in h/s when everything was so easy and happy. where did it all go?
no summer nights or days, just work and tiredness for me. :[ blog more tomorrow or something, I'm suppose to be sleeping but i went to tea station earlier and I'm awake :T
Neighborhood
Explore friends, family, friends & family, or entire neighborhood.
Recent Comments
-
-
-
-
michelleeee said:
relationships don't change, it's the people in it that do. great quote, just keep it in mind, time changes things.... read more
on our relationship is suffering
THANK YOU!! :) read more
on happy birthday to me